Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize