Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
