u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
