The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
