what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize