I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
