Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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