i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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