There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize