We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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