my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
