never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
this hospital has no fireball
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
