The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize