Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
