i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
