the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
