Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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