Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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