Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
