...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I yelled at your uterus for you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
