At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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