I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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