My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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