Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
