Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
