just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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