And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
