Umm I'm too high to move.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
