Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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