were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
