...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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