My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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