My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
