What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
