Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you would pick up someone in the library
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
