he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
