i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
