I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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