dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
