drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
