The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
