the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
