Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
