We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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