just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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