I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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