Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
