i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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