Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
