I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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