i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
