Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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