Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
