Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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