East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize