Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
