grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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