we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
