Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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