We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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