DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
