Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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