I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
