I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
