i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
