she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
