There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize